


Prince Kirk, Heir to the Fourth Dimension

by Anonymous



Series: A Portrait of Kirk the Devious as a Young Man [2]
Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Other, The Fourth Dimension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:02:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23374363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Saboo tells Kirk how he came to be his mentor.
Series: A Portrait of Kirk the Devious as a Young Man [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681165
Kudos: 4
Collections: Anonymous





	Prince Kirk, Heir to the Fourth Dimension

It was the Mabon Harvest Festival, and a woman holding a basket came up to hand something to Saboo. It was a sort of talisman, which pictured what looked like a small child's torso emerging half way from a rather phallic looking cob of corn.

"To bring luck and fortune to your firstborn son," she said by way of explanation.

Saboo looked down at the tiny phallic object with his arms crossed.

"Well, that's very nice and all, but I haven't got any children," he said dryly, before unfolding his arms and grinning at her, "None that I know of, anyway."

The woman cast a glance at Kirk before walking away.

"Why'd you say that?" Kirk asked once she was gone.

"Why'd I say what?" Saboo replied, arms crossed over his chest again as he gazed intently at something in the crowd that Kirk couldn't see.

"Why'd you say that you don't have any children!" Kirk cried.

Saboo shrugged and looked down at him.

"Because I don't."

"Well, what the hell am I then!"

Saboo smirked at him, confused.

"Uh, my roommate?"

"Roommate?!"

"And, obviously," Saboo gestured vaguely and rolled his eyes, searching for the right term, "my apprentice, as well."

Saboo shook his head and turned back to look at the crowd with a grin.

"Not much of a roommate you are anyway; you certainly don't pay rent," Saboo muttered under his breath with a laugh before quietly adding, "Not that rent exists on this planet."

Saboo, pleased at his own cleverness, stared out in front of him for a moment before he realized that Kirk hadn't responded for a while. He looked down to see that Kirk was staring at him with his eyes wide and his mouth slightly agape.

"Kirk, you didn't seriously think we were related in some way, did you?" Saboo asked with a nervous laugh and shifted on one foot, 'Honestly, we look nothing like each other- we're two entirely different species!"

Kirk's stare jolted from Saboo's face to the ground before shifting back up to Saboo's face again. He paused for a moment.

"So that means I'm not your nephew or your little second cousin or anything either?"

Saboo avoided his eyes.

"Well... no."

"But then I must at least be a step-son or a godson or a son-in-law or something!" Kirk cried desperately.

Saboo sighed and scratched at his jaw.

"Kirk..." He started before shaking his head and glancing quickly up at the sky, "In order for you to be my son-in-law I would need to have had a daughter that you were married to- that doesn't even make any sense!"

Kirk frowned and looked down at his feet.

"But then... if I'm not your son, or the son of a friend, or a nephew or cousin or the son of your dead spouse, then where did I come from?"

Saboo bent down to kneel on one knee with a grunt and brought up his hand to grip Kirk's shoulder.

"Kirk, when you were a baby, I found you crying in a sand dune next to a burning castle in the fourth dimension. Your father was a tyrant emperor who was killed in a violent insurrection, and you were the only survivor. I had been sent there on a mission for the Board, and that was the day I decided to take you on as my apprentice."

When Kirk didn't say anything, he went on.

"And it was a day that I guess was pretty significant in my life as well." Saboo's eyes shifted to the side and he stood back up awkwardly, before bending to idly brush some dust from his knees.

Kirk's eyes remained on the ground.

"But why didn't you tell me?" He mewled softly.

Saboo blustered.

"Well, it was something I didn't think I'd need to tell you, obviously! You're a very intelligent young man, I thought you already knew- I thought it was common knowledge that you were my apprentice!"

"But how could I have known that!"

"Well, maybe because whenever I introduce you to someone I start off by saying, 'Hi, this is Kirk, my young apprentice!' and not, 'Hi, this is Kirk, my offspring and the fruit of my own loins!'"

"But all of the men in town have their own sons as their apprentices!"

"Well, this is a very unusual town on a very unusual planet and I didn't know you would get that impression!"

They stared out each other for a moment, eyes wide and out of breath as Kirk's brow slowly unfurrowed.

"Did you say I was born a prince?" Kirk asked quietly, his eyes softening slowly.

"Well... it certainly seems that way," Saboo said thoughtfully, feigning surprise before grinning wryly and adding, "Your majesty!"

Kirk giggled and put his hands over his cheeks.

"I knew it!" He squealed and giggled again, clapping his hands, "Now carry me on your back to get a cherry tart, plebeian!"

"Of course, sire," Saboo hummed dutifully, not knowing exactly what he had gotten himself into as he bent down to let Kirk climb onto his back.


End file.
